Birthday Blues

It is the time of year when everyone expects you to be excited. Why, you ask? Because it is your birthday. And you are awesome. So you should celebrate your awesomeness. Most people get excited to spend time with friends and family to enjoy another rotation around the sun that you managed to survive. You birthday is about you. Or is it? The older I get, the more I think that the only reason we celebrate birthdays is so that others can celebrate it. I mean, honestly. Maybe I am becoming cynical, but I have found that when I tell others what I really want to do on my birthday, most cannot believe it and attempt to force down some semblance of a celebration so that they don't feel bad that they didn't celebrate your birthday.

I guess these musings are coming about because in about 15 minutes I will be officially another year older. When everyone asked me what I wanted to do, I told them. Then they proceeded to tell me everything I SHOULD do because it is my birthday. Only one person has taken the time after asking the question to say "cool, that's what we will do." Thus my theory is flawed and overgeneralized. It is okay though; blogs tend to be the one place you can write one-sided accounts and people will take them for fact instead of looking into the flawed data.

Leaving the rabbit trail I went down momentarily, I just want to say that I am as much to blame as the next person. I am such a people pleaser that I will do things I would rather not do than tell people no and hurt their feelings. It is one of my bigger flaws. Hopefully one day I will be able to overcome it, but for now, I will quietly enjoy the celebration of one more revolution around the sun.

Happy birthday Heather Marie.

Faults

I find that lately I have taken opportunities to point out the faults of others without taking time to pay attention to how my own faults are conveyed to others. I am a woman of many faults. One that has recently come to my attention is my inability to hold a conversation without changing the subject. It has become more and more frustrating to deal with because it hurts people I consider myself close to. I hate that something that I should be aware of and be able to change creates a feeling of inadequacy in others when it is my own inadequacy that is the root of the problem. I have been trying much harder lately to make sure I don't do this, but even today it happened twice. I hate that I hurt others with my perceived disinterest in what they have to say. I really need to and have been praying on this in order to fix it and allow myself to be a part of the conversation without feeling the need to change topics.

I don't know if any of that made sense to you all, but oh well.