So normally I try to keep myself upbeat but I discovered something today that really bothered me. It appeared as though a friend and I had drifted apart and I was not quite sure why. Then I found out today that it was because of something that didn't even happen. Turns out her excuse is her way of scapegoating me in order to not talk to me. Fine whatever, but at least be a person who mans up and admits to a problem instead of just cutting contact. Apparently I judge people's relationships which is funny because mine is sure as hell anything but perfect. I consider myself an open and accepting person and for someone else to spread lies like that hurts my heart. That is what lies are: poison. I just needed to take a moment to rant because at this point I don't know what I should do. I would like to confront this person but I feel that the relationship has broken to the point that it cannot be fixed. Is it even worth the attempt? I was pretty good friends with this person, but I feel like maybe the friendship has run its course. I mean, it happens. Those who are meant to stay in your life will and those who aren't won't. It just frustrates me that for months I was wondering what I did and those who knew never said anything to me.
On the plus side, I did make contact last night with an old friend who I haven't really talked to in years. While it was mostly small-talk, I was glad to have that door open again. Sometimes the door shuts too early. We have to leave our hearts open and hope for the best. I am hoping that maybe we can reach at least some form of friendship again.
I find lately that my friends list is quite small. I really only consider a couple of people close and it seems like every time I try to open up to others I find hypocrisy, judgement, and deliberate mis-communication. But then there are some who are there for you, who know when you are down and do their best to cheer you up. I've always been taught in my family that blood doesn't mean everything. It is the relationships you make with people that matter. I consider these people to be my family and so it hurts me when I learn that someone I consider a friend/family member spreads lies. So maybe the friendship is over. I know I would find it hard to trust that person again. Who knows?
Random add-on to end on a positive note: I spent time doing my makeup this morning and I was very pleased with it. I will leave a picture to share with you a good part of my day. :o
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